Yesterday, I got the news that my wonderful corn snake, Shadow, had passed away. To say that I am devastated would be an understatement. He was my first snake and I truly loved him, so I am completely heartbroken. It has been a long time since I felt such strong feelings of sadness that haven’t passed quickly or I haven’t been able to shut down, and it has knocked me off my feet. Last night I was feeling hopeless and irritable due to being both upset about Shadow passing away, and also frustrated because I was letting my emotions to escape from me. Even this morning I was trying to force positive thoughts on my self and try to completely forget about what has happened. I carried on with this for most of the morning before I questioned why I was doing it.
Why do I need to try to come up with positive thoughts when one of my pets has just died?
Why am I stopping myself from feeling the sadness that follows the death of something you love?
After considering this, I actually felt less stressed once I had accepted that I don’t need to be positive today, or even this week. I am heartbroken, and I am allowed to feel this way. I accidentally called one of our other snakes Shadow earlier, which has never happened before, and it made me realise just how much his death has affected me. He had not been well since I bought him almost two months ago and I’ve been assured that there was nothing I could have done – he just wasn’t meant to be someone’s pet. He spent the last month at the reptile shop that I got him from so that they were able to monitor him and try to get him better. I was even told on Friday that I would be able to bring him home this week – I think the fact that I was getting excited for him to come home has made the shock of his death even worse. I have been given the option by the shop I got him from to have Shadow replaced, but I am not sure if I’ll be able to do this. I don’t want to just ‘replace’ him, I wanted him to get better and be able to come home. I think for now my grief will be eased by looking after our other three snakes and not getting a replacement, it just wouldn’t feel right to me.
I will do another post at some point about the other snakes that me and my boyfriend have, but this post will remain about Shadow. Posting the picture below has made me cry again, but this time I recognise that it’s normal to feel this way after what has happened. I’m not going to try and push away my sadness this evening, I am allowed to be sad as I have lost something that was so dear to me. I’ll carry on with self care and get back into a book that I started reading today – Defending Jacob – which I’m loving so far.
Just remember – you are allowed to have bad days where you don’t need to make yourself find positives in the situation. You are allowed to feel sadness and you are allowed to not force yourself to ‘move on’ quickly.
I’ll miss you so much my perfect little noodle, rest easy ❤